This is the poem I read at the service, written on my flight down from Wisconsin. Sharing stories about Kate and hearing other perspectives was wonderful, and I'm so grateful I had the opportunity to do that. - Cislyn Smith

Stories

Once upon a time doesn't work.
On a dark and stormy night isn't right either.
I can't tell it in a list
And a series of letters  doesn't even make any sense (probably)
All the ways I have of approaching a story sideways
To make it fit
To make it make sense
To tell it from the edges or the inside out
They're failing me now

I'm supposed to be good at this
This is what I do

And yet my words disappear every time I try to find a way to express you being gone - I haven't even got a metaphor for that one, and that one should be easy!

(I've resorted to meta writing, and I can almost see you smirk.
Writing about writing is all I've got now
so bear with me, OK?)
I think about all the times you helped me bring my ideas into the world
All the ways you had of telling me to stop talking about the story and just, you know,
tell the story
instead.
And
Well
Here's the thing, Kate: I don't wanna.

It's a lousy story. I hate it.
It had a great beginning, really solid!
And some awesome middles that we muddled through together and separately -
Some magic moments in there for sure -
But the author lost the damn plot
What is even happening in this narrative
And I
Don't
Want
It
To
End

(breathe)

But here we are (without you)
and stories are the way we make the world make sense
(or the way I do anyway)
and so I'll tell the story of seven short years of friendship that felt like a lifetime, for me
Like I'd always known you
And you'd always known me
And the story of you holding me up, when I was down - when I'd let you
(and sometimes when I didn't)
And me doing the same for you, when you'd let me
(and often when you didn't)
And because stories are these amazing ridiculous
world shifting lies that can become truth
Maybe most important
Is the one I'll tell about how it'll be ok
Eventually
Somehow
Without you

It's a rough draft. Wish you could see it.
Gotta confess, this one needs an awful lot of work.